July 31st, 2011
Something not unique to the gay scene is the offence some people take when they are not invited to an event of some sort. Is it that hard to understand that other people sometimes have other friends they want to share their evening with? Or that perhaps they weren’t able to accommodate you for that specific event? Why is it that the human race tends to take things so incredibly personally? If it’s not a wedding that your long-distant alcoholic cousins weren’t invited to, it’s a night out on the town for the ‘girls’, which the jock weren’t asked to join.
Please allow me to put this out there. When in the process of organizing an event, and putting together a guest list, the host has a few crucial considerations which influence who makes the cut and who doesn’t. Without these considerations, all events or parties would constitue a ‘free-for-all’. This is obviously not on. I mean, it’s not rocket science. It’s the very basic in event planning.
First, and probably the greatest determining factor, is the venue. If a host is limited to a confined space for six people, it goes without saying, that he/she cannot invite seven. If sixty is the limit, then sixty-one is out of the question, not too mention seventy. I’m convinced no host worth his salt want his guests to drink from Styrofoam cups, or sit on the floor. This alone should prevent you, the uninvited, from tossing your toys. Sure, you can argue that it’s unfair that John Doe was invited and not you, but you know what? It wasn’t up to you. It’s someone else’s event, so they have the divine right to invite whomever the hell they want.
Another very important factor for a host to consider when compiling their guest list is the guests themselves. You can’t, for example, invite an excessively homophobic jock, to the same event as a screaming queen, depending on the size of the event. If there are a hundred people sure, their paths most probably won’t cross. But if you're trying to put together an intimate dinner for four people, this will certainly be a big issue. The last thing a host wants at a function is conflict or arguement,. That’s enough to put everyone off, leave a sour taste in all the guests’ mouths, and destroy what was supposed to be a great evening and special occasion. When inviting guests, consider their backgrounds, beliefs, values, orientation, drinking habits and even their language use. Don’t invite a priest to an orgy for example. That’s playing with fire by gambling with your relationship with both the priests and the whores. You don’t want either.
If you weren’t invited to party, consider who the other guests were, especially those you don’t know. The host probably decided that you wouldn’t get on with the other guests. Perhaps someone is invited whom you’ve had sex with, whether an ex boyfriend or a ‘one-night-stand’. Let’s face it, the gay scene is small, and we run into ex’s all the time. If you want to be invited, consider ending your promiscuity. Maybe refrain from using the F word in every second sentence, or try not to use quotes from the bible to justify your every action. This, and many other factors, could cause you not to be invited to an event. You might consider this to be personal, but once again, just accept the fact that the host of the party did not think that you would fit in. That’s it. Once again, not rocket science, but common sense.
A third possible reason why you weren’t invited to someone else’s special night is maybe because they considered YOU. You maybe said something at some stage that indicated to the host that you won’t be interested in joining, or that maybe you won’t be free on that specific date. A status update made on Facebook, or the mention of a date on the 13th for example, which the host remembered, but you forgot about. Not that it’s ever a good idea to confront a friend for not inviting you to his party, but before you do, maybe it won’t be such a bad idea to just quickly scan through your status updates or text messages. The mind is a forgetful thing, and far too often, we jump down the throats of unsuspecting friends, when meantime, back at the ranch, we were the ones that were at fault. Take some responsibility for your own actions before jumping to conclusions.
The last, and probably not the most infrequent possibility for you not being picked as part of the team, is that maybe the host just didn’t want you there. Maybe he/she was fed-up with your dramas, tired of you always complaining about how terrible your life is, annoyed by the amount of time you spend on your Blackberry in the company of other people, bothered by the way you style your hair, embarrassed by the way you snort when you laugh, irritated because you never bring your own smokes, or perhaps the fact that you believe that when someone invites you, it’s their responsibility to feed you or pour your drink.
The fact of the matter is.... grow up. Get over yourself. If you want to be invited to every single party, event, gathering or function, organize it yourself. Then at the end of the day you get to choose who attends and who doesn’t, and then it’s your party............. and you can cry as much as you want to.
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