Sticks and stones may break my bones, and words actually CAN harm me.
I'll never forget something that was said to me when I came out 3 years ago. In a conversation, someone recklessly said that I should ensure that I find someone and settle down as soon as I can, because to the gay community, a man dies at the age of 35. No one wants you. No one looks at you. No one sees you. What a dreadful thought. Talk about a ticking biological clock. Only difference is, this clock isn't ticking, it's spinning.
Three years down the line and these words still haunt me. It's like a countdown to doomsday. And it scares the living crap out of me.
A few years ago I briefly dated a guy that was a few years older than me. What an absolute disaster. He was cynical, obsessive, jealous, controlling, and insecure. Needless to say the 'relationship' didn't last long, as I was not to be controlled. From that moment I swore off any older guys, and also promised myself never to become one of "these" guys. I promised myself to never become cynical, an easy thing to say for a young guy with little experience and even fewer disappointments.
Obviously younger guys would not be cynical. They won't think of a break-up as a disaster. How easy would you be able to jump between relationships if you were young and beautiful? You have nothing to lose and no reason to be scared and skeptical. If not, why not, what the hell... In the same breath one could perhaps say: "Why not cheat?" What do you have to lose? Maybe this other guy is the one you are supposed to grow old with. Younger guys have the upper hand, always. They can play the field and do what they want. They have the privilege of dumping one guy, and dating someone else the next day. Why would they care? Except for their reputation, or the lack thereof, they really don’t have a care in the world.
The problem with this, dear young ones, is there's more to this world than fucking left, right and centre. There's more to this world than finding the hottest guy and letting go of all self-control you might have. There's more to this world than hurting the people around you for your own apparent benefit. You might just be with ONE guy to many, and catch a life altering disease called Aids.
You don't have to sleep with 20 guys before you contract Aids. It only takes ONE! This could be you:
Growing old as a gay man is a terribly challenging and a difficult prospect.
In most instances, the older a gay man gets, the more cynical he becomes. But there are also those guys that become so desperate that they'll do anything to have someone in their lives, even if it is a 22-year-old gold-digger. At least he's not alone. It seems like a win-win situation, but actually only one person in this arrangement is winning. I assume you know which one I’m referring to.
Since I came out I've come across many old men in gay clubs and bars, and to this day, I don't really know exactly what they’re doing there. Surely they’re not expecting to meet the man of their dreams at this club? Is it possible that they just prefer being around younger guys in clubs, to being alone at home? What an incredibly sad thought. Oh god I never want to be one of those guys.
Because of the fact that I truly believe in karma, I'll never be rude or nasty to an older guy in a club. I'll never use whatever I have left of my youth to score a drink from such a guy. I'll never make fun of someone that is obviously fighting to keep whatever hope they have left in not being alone. I would strongly recommend to all younger guys to take the same stance. Try to have some understanding of their situation. One of these days this might be you. I know it feels impossible to you, cause at the moment you feel invincible, but believe me before you say "I am young and beautiful", you'll be that creepy guy sitting at the end of the bar flashing his cash in a desperate attempt to get someone to talk to him or show some interest in him. You'll be the one making the moves on the guys 30 years younger than you.
Always remember, what you give out, you truly and indisputably get back. Whether you're doing harm to others, or whether you're doing good, without exception, the universe will return the "favor" tenfold.
Where are all the old folk?
It might be that committed, loyal and decent older gay couples exist, and that the reason no-one knows of them is because they steer clear of the gay scene, but I honestly don't know of ANY. Is it possible that they do in fact not exist? That there really is no such thing as lasting love between two men?
The one or two older gay couples that I do know of, survive due to the fact that they have the occasional drug induced threesome. They have open relationships so that they won't screw around, but even that is not enough to make either one of them whip it out when the other one isn't looking. Even this doesn't keep them from chasing after other men.
If true love between two men does in fact not exist, guys, we only have ourselves to blame. For god sakes if you can keep your dicks in your pants for long enough, maybe our relationships will be able to last. Maybe then, society will accept gay marriages. Maybe then there'll be something that will give younger decent guys the hope and aspiration to be better. To become something.
The biggest problem in my opinion is that most gay guys actually condone cheaters. They see it as a challenge to bag a guy that's involved. They want to see a relationship fail. They’re so jealous to see someone else happy, that they'll do anything in their power to ruin such a relationship. Surely the onus lies on the guy that's involved not to cheat, but if he can’t find someone willing to get his groove on with, he won't be able to cheat - unless he denies the relationship, which you can do nothing about.
This is what I do, and what I wish all gay guys would do.
It's happened three times in the past year that a guy that I know FOR A FACT is in a relationship tries to lure me to his bed. I play the game. I show sufficient interest to get the necessary evidence against him, and then I contact his partner to reveal the scumbag for what he is.
I refuse to be someone that knowingly causes pain to someone else. Yeah sure I hurt that person by letting him know of his partner’s infidelity, but every time I do it, I am showered with gratuity for spilling the beans. If we can stand together and vow to bust every cheater out there, these assholes will lose their courage to betray their partners.
We have the ability to change our future, but we need to take a stance against the bad seeds. We need to see ourselves as gay watchdogs. We need to change our attitude towards relationships and love, sex and commitment. We need to be the generation that proves to the world that gay guys have the ability to be monogamous, that gay marriages indeed do not damage the sanctity of marriage.
If you're the cheater, THINK before you whip it out. Think about the consequences of your actions. About the hurt you're causing the guy you claim to love so dearly. Think about the scars you'll leave behind after he finds out - which he will.
If you're single, stand with me in my fight and plight against infidelity. Remember that it's not an accomplishment to sleep with a guy that's in a relationship. It's a shame. Try to imagine yourself in the shoes of his partner, and remember that next time when you're really in love with someone, chances are, roles will be reversed.
If you're an aging gay man, don't lose hope. Faith. Find peace within yourself and accept the situation you're in. Being desperate will only bring upon despair and increased loneliness, which will eliminate your chances of ever finding someone. The more you search, the less you find. Stay away from clubs and bars. The only thing you'll find there is people with crooked intentions who are out to use and hurt you. You should focus on building great friendships with people more or less your own age. Remember, a 20-year old child is NOT your friend. He doesn't want your friendship or your body, he wants your wallet.
You absolutely have to let go of your sexual fantasies with twinks. Keep in mind, their called "fantasies" for a reason. Open yourself up to the possibility of finding love with a guy your own age.
FORTUNATELY, THERE'S PLENTY OF “YOU” OUT THERE...
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