WEEKS TWO TO THREE
By this time, you should've reached the stage of complete and utter outrage.
Your sadness would most certainly not have disappeared, but you've turned the most part of it into anger and hatred, still in disbelief, but truly pissed off at the dumper and ready to go out guns blazing.This stage can be rather confusing, as you feel like crying, with a loaded shotgun in your hand.
At this point you are likely to lash out at anyone who crosses your path. You're willing to take your frustration out on anything or anyone. You'll suddenly notice the prejudice of the disabled parking spot always being the closest to the entrance of the shopping centre. You'll get frustrated with the barking of the neighbors’ dog. You'll contemplate mashing your BlackBerry to pieces against a wall when your Facebook takes forever to load someone's photo.
You'll even go as far as to getting irate about the fact that I've already given three example of what you might or might not do...
It is of vital importance that you give recognition to your high levels of anger, and channel that anger towards an appropriate recipient or action. However difficult it may be, putting down both the tub of ice-cream and the loaded rifle, to get up, take off your sweats to go for a run, it will prove invaluable to you.
Go to the gym and get rid of all that hurt, frustration, anger and tension, and for goodness sake do not exercise your dialing or texting skills to let the ex know how much he hurt you, and how much you hate him for 'ruining your life'. Remember guys; never let him know you feel. Don't pollute your "clean" break, keep him wondering.
The second bit of advice I'd like to give you for week two to three is to spend time by yourself. Be honest with yourself, and really analyze what it is you're feeling and why you're feeling this. There is a lesson for you to learn in everything that happens to you in life, and the sooner you figure out what that lesson is you have to learn, the easier this whole tragedy will be to process. By doing this very important exercise of self-analysis, you'll obtain a better understanding of what has happened, enabling yourself to reach a higher level of healing, namely forgiveness.
By truly and honestly forgiving the dumper for what he has done, you free yourself of regret, hardship, endless questions and many more agonizing things. Now don't think for one second I'm implying that this is an easy thing to do, because it's not. To be honest, it might just be the most difficult thing you'll have to do during your healing process, and I will not be able to tell you exactly how true forgiveness can be achieved, but I can tell you what I did, and what that forgiveness gave back to me.
I achieved absolute forgiveness, within a couple of minutes, the moment I completely and utterly put myself in his shoes.
I imagined the situation to be reversed. I felt the love he had for his ex, regardless of whether I could understand it. I understood that our relationship was still new compared to the four years he had with his ex and I realized that he leaving me for his ex was not a personal attack on me.
Together with the invaluable awareness that no two persons ever deal with a situation the same way, I was able to forgive him completely.
Sure I would've handled the situation better, by not reconnecting with my ex before I have truthfully spoken to my partner.
By being honest about what had happened and not playing a blame game to make my partner feel like he had done something wrong, I would’ve tried my utmost best to cause minimal emotional scarring in my partner.
WEEK THREE ONWARDS
I should warn you, once you have completely forgiven the dumper for what he has done, a sense of sadness will once again return and take the place of the anger. I have no idea why this happens, but it’s very real and it most certainly will happen to you too. I guess if it doesn’t, you haven’t completely forgiven.
My common sense tells me that the sorrow returns when you stop hating him, understand his viewpoint, remembers his beautiful spirit and forgets about the horror that was done onto you. I stand firm in what I’ve said earlier: still refrain from making any contact. If your situation proves to be similar to mine, your ex would by this time, have contacted you. Stand your ground. Don’t give in to sweet talk and promises no matter how sincere they seem. I truly believe that if a relationship didn’t work out that first time, chances are it won’t the second, third or fourth time.
Strangely enough, the wounds are slowly beginning to heal. The process has gone by faster than I could have ever imagined. Could it be that my way of dealing with the break-up actually worked? I even feel ready to start dating again, and this month of turmoil has left little to none scarring.
No permanent damage. I am completely over him. Yes I still miss him, and most probably will for some time to come, but It doesn’t hurt anymore. I can move on. I am content.
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