Let’s face it, a gay guy without his clubbing, is like a car without wheels – pointless.
The question is, is it possible for a relationship to survive if the couple spends weekend upon weekend in gay clubs? It’s a sad, but well-known fact that many single gay guys consider it a challenge to try and “bag” someone that’s involved. Many gay guys have no respect for relationships. That’s why they have such a fascination with married men. That's why chat or dating sites causes so many problems within a relationship. That’s why so many gay guys cheat on their partners.
Some consider a gay club to be completely off limits for gay couples, but one can probably conclude that if a guy in a relationship wants to be unfaithful to his partner, there are countless avenues for doing exactly that. A gay club every now and then should probably be the least of someone’s worries.
Is this just a matter of trust? Should you be able to let your partner loose into a den of hungry lions (or more appropriately horny rabbits) and just have faith that nothing will happen? I guess it’s just me then. I guess I’m the only one that can’t even comprehend the thought of giving the person I love that level of trust. Maybe this is the reason for me still being single. Maybe I am yet to meet someone I feel I can trust alone in a club. Is it just me that feels this way? Maybe I feel this way because my trust in men has been broken so many times in the past.
Maybe I’m old or old-fashioned, but I’d much rather spend a quiet evening alone with my partner, in the comfort of my/our home. I don’t want to build a future with someone in a nightclub filled to the brim with drunk and sexually charged youngsters (now I sound old). I don’t even think it’s healthy for a single person to constantly be in these surroundings, let alone a couple.
Now, this said, one should probably consider those couples who believe in: “Play together, stay together”. The couples that cruise together elsewhere, to find excitement lost within their own relationship – another principle I will never understand or be able to agree too. I will share many things, but the person I love? Never!
Still, I am of the opinion that couples that "play together" are playing together with fire. I believe that exploring other guys as a couple is the beginning of the end, and, regardless of whether this happens in a club or on some dating website, I would not advise a couple planning to spend their lives together to do this.
Once again the question that pops into my mind is: “Am I the only one that feels this way?” Is this another tell-tale sign of my perceived “trust issue”? Should a person be able to watch someone else touch your partner without your stomach turning? I don’t even have a partner, but the thought of that makes me feel distressed. Is it just me that feels this way? I strongly consider a club to be for young single guys looking for a fun night out with friends, for guys that prefer partying out in a club to sitting alone at home in front of the television. I can understand this completely and find no objection to this. The question I have is whether two guys, in a committed “closed" relationship, should at all be part of the club scene? In my view, for two guys who love and trust each other unconditionally, there should be no problem with them going out and dancing the night away. Many guys in fact use dancing as the excuse for their presence in the club.
Though this could probably be considered a valid reason, I'd be skeptical to accept that as an excuse. Now you might be thinking that I feel this way because I dislike dancing, which I don't. I'm trying to determine whether a club is suitable for couples. We all love going for dinner or the movies, but for some reason this will never be an issue in a relationship. Why is that? Why is it that clubbing more often than not causes trouble between two guys when other activities don’t?
The fact of the matter is we're all men, and some men sometimes have difficulty controlling their "urges". Is it worth the risk of losing your partner, or should a clubbing experience be considered the ultimate test of your partner’s commitment? It doesn't take immense intelligence to see when your partner has wandering eyes, and even less to notice when his intentions are crooked. Perhaps I should take a different approach to this. Perhaps a person should be using a club as bait, to test your partner’s loyalty? To see what his intentions with you, and the club, are.
Isn't that what life is all about? Intentions. If you do something which is considered by many to be wrong, but you're doing it with the purest of intent, surely it can't be wrong. I believe that the universe sees your intent, regardless of whether your deed is seemingly good or bad, and that determines your karma.
The problem is there are thousands of guys out there with rotten intent. The intent of using people for their own gain, the intent of hurting people, the intent of just being cruel and nasty for the excitement and thrill of it. I know guys like this personally. I've dated guys like this. They are truly all over the show, and I believe that clubs are their churches. This is where they gather and scout for prey, scout for people to hurt, scout for their next victim.
Guys like this are the ones we should be weary of while clubbing with our partners. They will literally grab your partners butt as you two pass hand in hand. They are the ones that will slip their numbers in your partners pocket when you're not looking, the ones that will pursue an involved guy with no regard to the pain they might cause, should this guy return the gesture. They are the ones that will buy your boyfriend drinks just to get him to let his guard down, and then invite him to their cars. They just don't care. They see something they want, and they go after it, regardless of the consequences. That stolen glimpse behind your back as you're paying for the drinks, or that quick touch when you run to the loo for a sec.
The only problem is, there's no way to distinguish between them and normal guys. God forbid you might be dating one of them already without even knowing. I've seen how innocent and naive guys commit and fall head over heels in love with guys like this - gawd I've been one. Unfortunately these guys will never change, and more often than not, these 'relationships' end in complete and utter heartache for the innocent and better-half.
You might say that if you're partner is the one with the crooked intent, this can happen anywhere, and I fully agree. I just strongly believe that by keeping your partner away from the gatherings of guys like this, you decrease the chances of heartache. There's so much more to life than clubbing, and so many other "healthy" things for a couple to do together. Activities where both could enjoy each other's company without the fear of losing everything just because you lost focus for a moment.
I think it's a safe assumption that couples that spend the majority of their relationship on a dance floor, puts a lot of strain on their relationship. In most instances, they’re the ones fighting more than usual, and normally these relationships doesn't last very long. We should take a step back and ask ourselves why this is. Maintaining a healthy and loving relationship between two men is already a rather demanding task. I am of the opinion that one should try and minimize any circumstances that might increase the level of pressure on an already challenging prospect.
The clubbing phase which a young gay guy goes through passes like any other trend, and it's during this time, that a guy should make the conscious decision to remain single. To get the party animal within it's time of day, and then move on to the next phase of one’s life. A phase where you've experienced what's out there and you have determined what you want and what is important to you. A phase where you've established the characteristics of what you want in a life partner, characteristics you are willing to live with.
There's nothing wrong with enjoying your youth. There's nothing wrong with going out clubbing and partying the night away with your friends. This is a very important part of growing up and learning the lessons you were meant to learn as a young adult.
But once you've decided to settle down and build a future with someone you truly love, let go of your partying ways. For the benefit of your relationship and your partner, leave the clubbing behind. The dance floor will still be there SHOULD you one-day find yourself on the shelf.
Am I the only one that feels this way?
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