Gay guys suffer from a misconstrued perception of what the term 'dating' really mean. Many guys believe that when you've chatted on Facebook for more than 2 days, you're involved. They believe that the fact that you've fooled around once, mean that you're committed and exclusive. The problem with the gay community is that guys do everything wrong-way-round, inside-out, and upside-down.
First you screw, then you proclaim your undying love and devotion to each other. To make matters even worse, you then move in together, then you get to know each other, then you hate each other, then you cheat, then you break-up. Then. Then. Then... It's a sad and sorry cycle, and the incredible irony of it all, is that when things explode in your face, you blame your sexuality, or at least the sex your attracted to, MEN...
Let's do a proper analysis about the right and wrong processes of a relationship, and what exactly it means to "date", what it means to love, and when to commit. By doing this, hopefully the guys reading this could develop some level of integrity and veracity. I'll go about this step by step.
"Our eyes met..."
Our elders would tell us that the best place to meet a decent life-partner, would be at a church gathering or somewhere on a varsity campus (if you're a student off course). But the truth of the matter is that's not reality. It doesn't work that way - for most people anyway.
In most instances we are constricted to meeting guys in clubs or online. I guess meeting a partner in a supermarket, is a much less complicated prospect for straights, as a straight guy does not run the risk of being battered half to death, should the girl not be interested or available. Most gay guys on the other hand would rather choose to ignore the hot guy in the skimpy shorts picking out tomatoes, than approach him with a pick-up line.
So I guess the bottom-line is, we meet guys where we feel safe.
Where-ever you see or meet your 'Mr. Right', I believe the same principles apply. To meet someone at the baked-goods counter, and scheduling to hook-up in the men's-room later, is not the quite right way to go about finding your "forever-after". To see someone at the weight-training section at the gym, and wink them to the sauna, doesn't really leave the impression that you in it for the long haul (excuse the pun).
I've believed this all my life, and not once have I been proven wrong; if you want a man to love you, abstain from giving that man your 'man-flower'. It's a well-known fact that the male specie enjoys the anticipation of what is yet to come, and craves the excitement of chasing after the one thing that you've held back on.
Don't think for one second that by giving a man sex, you're ensuring a bright and fulfilled future with him. No sweetie, you might as well give him a map to get the hell out. If you by chance encounter a guy that's not willing to wait until you're ready, or one who's dick is the only brain he's got, you'd be better off without him, believe you me.
Are we moving into an era where the only way to abstain from doing the funky chicken with someone too soon, is by keeping our privates locked safely away? Take my advice, if you want your guy to stick, make him love you first, before you give him your stick...
"We're getting to know each other..."
The only way to get to know a guy (and I'm not referring to the insides of his jeans), is by dating him. Good old-fashioned candle-light dinner and a movie. Spending time with someone just talking, asking questions, listening and understanding, would be a clear indication to A DECENT guy, that you're a keeper. My motto is: "If you want to find the decent guy, you need to be a decent guy..."
The question is though, what's the point of getting to know a person, if you're not allowed to dislike some things you discover along the way? Not too long ago I met a guy online and something about him sparked my interest. Due to extensive scarring in his face, which I found to be hugely distasteful, I believed that my attraction to him was maybe on a deeper level. As time went by, I came to the horrid realization that he had no sense of humour, no ambition, and no moral values. After just 2 weeks he had become aggressive and even down-right scary. He fell into the habit of staring at me while we're watching a movie, and I even caught him once staring at me while I was sleeping.
After just a few weeks I told him to 'hit the road jack', and to my disbelief, I was met with hostility and resentment. What exactly did he expect? Instead of being a knight-in-shining-armour, He had me reaching for my own armour, IN SELF-DEFENCE.
Now, what I don't understand about guys that's being dumped, why do you get that upset? Would you prefer the 'dumper' unwillingly stay in the relationship, much to the dismay of you both? The mature response to have is to calmly tell the person that you're sorry you don't feel the same about each other, and that you sincerely wish that he finds the person he deserves. The person that makes him happy.
Being vindictive and malicious, won't in the least affect the 'dumper', for he was the one that didn't want to be in a relationship with you. It is a sure way to accumulate some negative karma though, and whether you believe in it or not my dear 'dumpee', this will come back and bite you in the arse - 7 fold...
For everyone involved, it all comes down to self-love. We all should love ourselves enough to be able to say: "I love myself too much, to allow you to treat me the way you do, so cheers. I deserve better. Some might say that I'm full of shit, but in actual fact I just know that I deserve the best, and for me personally, that's not you". The moment you have adequate self-love, you stop accepting the, sometimes unacceptable, flaws of the person you're dating.
We all should be able to pick and choose between guys, as only the best guy is deserving of our love and affection. Some of us sit alone at home every weekend night in self-pity and hatred, and just can't believe how we aren't able to find a boyfriend, but later that same night we curse ourselves in hatred, for what and who we are. Always remember guys, if we don't love ourselves, how can we expect anyone to love us? We create our own realities, and if we project positivity into the universe, we will soon be rewarded with blessings beyond our believes.
If you feel your "Mr. Right" dumped you, and that's why you're upset at him, just remember, just because you weren't good enough for him, doesn't mean you won't find someone who consider you to be his "Mr. Perfect".
"I want a boyfriend, but I can't let go of being single..."
If I was given the opportunity to scream this from the highest mountain for every gay guy to hear, I would gladly accept. If you want to f*ck around, don't go into a committed relationship. That's not too difficult to understand now is it?
I am yet to meet a guy that has not been hurt in some way or the other by a cheating partner. Why is this? Contrary to what everybody believe this is NOT because of the fact that boys will be boys. It's NOT due to the fact that a man is a sexual being. This is all just bullshit excuses, made by the cheaters themselves.
Men cheat because they're not ready to be in a committed relationship, but they like the idea of having something or someone to fall back on. They have no regard for other people and only interested in their next lay. I consider this to be appalling and unacceptable. Once again I'm going to jump in here and mention karma. Guys you can take my word for this...
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