Ready for battle.
Newshounds at the Daily Currant report from behind the lines that the Ukraine government is planning to march large numbers of gay men into Crimea with the objective of scaring off the Russian soldiers currently occupying the territory. Rumours abound that this “gay army” will be unarmed, its mission being to act as flamboyantly homosexual as possible, causing the deeply prejudiced occupying force to flee back to its homeland.
Ukrainian defense minister Boris Grishenko was apparently quoted as saying: “Russia is one of the most homophobic nations on Earth. We’re planning to use that fact to our advantage and take back our land. Ukraine is a small country. We don’t have a lot of tanks or battleships. And we stupidly gave up our nuclear weapons in the 1990s. But we still have plenty of gays, and if there’s one thing Russians fear more than atomic warfare it’s explicit displays of homosexuality."
Stripped for action.
“It will start small. Just a simple parade with a few hundred shirtless men. But once the Lady Gaga starts blasting, things are gonna get wild. Hopefully all the pumping, grinding and gyrating will have them headed for the hills.”
A Russian soldier, asked about the news but unwilling to be named, commented: “It’s not worth it. I’m leaving. I can take bullets. I can take bombs. But if Ukraine sends any gay people my way I’m going home. I didn't sign up for this shit."
Recruitment for the campaign has reportedly been going like a train, with nearly half of Kiev's gay male community signed up for the patriotic task of retaking Crimea.
Lustralboy Says: "Go boys. Rumour has it that those Ruskies don't like it up'em."
News credits to The Daily Currant
Uniform credits to Abercrombie & Fitch
Join our mailing list
- October 1st, 2016
- August 10th, 2016
- March 19th, 2016
- February 3rd, 2016
- January 16th, 2016
- September 30th, 2015