February 2011, Pretoria, South Africa
We are all just human, we are all just men – men with fantasies and desires... Or are we selfish, vain bastards playing with love like the weekly Lotto numbers???
The heterosexual storybook fairy tale reads: “Once upon a time in a land far, far away, there was some damsel in distress (usually known as a Princess); locked up in some castle on a very treacherous terrain, waiting to be rescued by her Prince Charming, from the evil warlock or dragon.”
The homosexual unspoken book of life can read something like this: “Why the fuck did he chose to go fuck that skinny little prick?! He doesn’t even know his name! Who is going to bang me now? I am so horny!”
True love has always been sought after by both heterosexuals and by homosexuals (even the Great Alexander laid his head on Hephaestion’s shoulder). We all grow up with the perfect heterosexual storybook dream of meeting that significant other half, falling in love, doing the whole marriage thing, being blessed with demons (better known as children) and growing old together, happy on our front porch as we sit holding hands and watching the dusk turn into night-time!
As seen on TV: Happily ever after.
Picture credits: David Kawena
No matter how gay you are, most lesbians and gay guys dream of the day they can walk down they aisle, stand in the front of the ‘church’, surrounded by loved ones and saying to their partner: “I take you to be my monogamous partner;I love you and respect you; I will be honest with you always; I will stand by you through whatever may come. I promise to be your loving and faithful partner, to have and to hold, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, to love and cherish from this day forward until death do us part.”
WAIT......“...from this day forward until death do us part?!” – BULL-F*#!king-$h*t!!!
Apart from Aids, one of the biggest causes of death every year is suicide, rising up the statistics hand-in-hand with the global divorce rate! So how does one interpret such “vows” to one another, when getting married in Paris one day, and, shortly thereafter, divorcing in the local court just around the corner?
Well from my own perspective and of that of most of my friends, we all believe in monogamy; meaning we want ONE partner to spend the rest of our lives with. We crave for their sole love... Someone to love us as much as we love them; to take care of each other and fill the missing part of our soul with them, and theirs with ourselves... That special lover that will complete and fill the empty hole in one’s life and heart.
NO, I’m not talking about the empty hole in the Southern Posterior Region, because just as any other heterosexual human being we also need someone to love, and be loved by us, as well as to care for and be cared for! We crave for love and not just lust; like the over-horny dogs we are perceived to be by the conservative heterosexual community!
But is this then where polygamy comes into play, because we are made to believe that, as “fags” or “queers”, we are incapable of having relationships outside of the monogamy-closet? Or is it just because we are unable to believe in true gay love?
Ancient love: Venus & Cupid
Picture credit: Artimarkz
Cupid, the son of Venus (goddess of love), is ‘well-known’ to anyone who has ever experienced swift unanticipated love. This nude winged baby boy is seen by many as the God of desire, affection and erotic love,but when we don’t agree with where he aimed his love arrow, he becomes the cause of depression, emotional insecurity and suicide. Then we find ourselves making a rapid decision that can unleash an uncertain future.
More often than not, it happens that even cupid gets sidetracked, and before he or anyone else has realised, the arrow has lost its intended direction, hitting not only the wrong person but, in the worst case scenario, multiple unsuspecting dream gazers.
Love v. Desire
This is where the trouble starts: we get stuck (and not in a fun, hehehe-cum way with lube and condoms)! We are caught (with our pants down) in the middle of a crossfire situation where we have no experience, and this is where True Love is faced with its arch enemies: Desire and Temptation.
We, as homosexuals, have come a long way from the “unspoken party” hidden within the heterosexual community. We’ve arrived as an open, accepted part of society, slowly being acknowledged into the world of the Seeing Eye with certain privileges such as same sex marriage or civil unions, adopting children and being allowed public displays of affection. But as in every orchard, there are always a group of bad apples that puts everything in jeopardy: monogamy vs. adultery – strengthening the stereotypical cases of gays being unable to commit to true love or one lifelong partner, leading to “the straights” condemning us all to hell along with the rapists, sex offenders, child molesters and lawyers!
Many gay rights activists around the world have fought hard and are still standing strong for equivalent constitutional and civil rights as well as public decency towards homosexuals. So why do we still turn ourselves into those horny sex machines who prefer to make their diet consist of a new (but not always fresh) daily banana, peeled and taken with a side order of condensed milk as a topping? Mmmm? And the HIV/ Aids pandemic is humanised with speech and all as it iterates: “Until death do you part!”
I asked, why we drop to this level? We do this for the sheer adventure of desire & sexual enticement ; and in some cases (more often than not) – no matter how strong one’s monogamous relationship is – one of the two partners is more ‘human’; more boy than man; not yet as mature in emotional devotion as the other...
... and gives in...
... to temptation...
The Tree of Obsession
The Surrender to Temptation
So the situation arises (excuse the pun) where you lose all sense of reality and morals, and for those few moments you are allowed to dream of things you left behind in the single life, you enter the world of “What if?”, secretly longing for that which you are now no longer allowed to do... You miss the days where it was only you and your friends; the nights you could lose all responsibility and ethics (not to mention your clothes); you miss being the archetypal gay guy being cruised or cruising your victim for the night; stalking and playing with your prey until you convince it to get close enough as you move in for the “kill”.
To be blunt: instead of thinking about your partner and how you are going to make love tonight to the one you love, you secretly crave either to fuck, or be fucked, hard and deep, by the other guy, with sweat dripping from your naked bodies onto one another... OR having good “clean” but passionate, no-hidden-motive-or-emotional-connection oral sex with that OTHER person, who you have secretly been stalking with your eyes the whole night...
All the while keeping distant not to attract the attention of your partner’s eye, because you know this will cause unnecessary “inconvenience”, and you don’t want to jeopardise what you have (recall that deep meaningful relationship?) for one evening of what you KNOW is unsafe, worthless fun!
Yes, we all secretly long for this in one way or another – in one’s reality or dream world; but remember, Until Cheat do us Part!
The Polygamy Solution
Thus we achieve a certain understanding of where polygamy comes from: two partners falling in love; realising that you want to spend the rest of your lives together; knowing you are destined for one another not just in flesh but in soul. You choose to enter a love-filled relationship where you know you have someone to come home to after a long day at work, or an unfulfilling night shift. Yet, now you still have some sort of freedom (even though there are certain rules and regulations you have to abide by), but at least you know you can still explore the unknown; and go home to a warm bed without an argument or fight which could lead to you losing the one you hold dear to your heart, and not just your penis! Polygamy is the answer if you want your bread buttered on both sides.
We are all just human; we are all just men – men with fantasies and desires... Yes we do crave for the unknown and forbidden, but even more so we long for a love we can have for the rest of our lives. We will go through many breakups causing us to feel pain, to feel hurt, to feel disappointment; bleeding our hearts out and crying like all humans do...
But the day will come were we can reach a unified mindset with one another – not just in relationships but in the community at large – to understand that we need to look at the bigger picture, and not only think of ourselves using our “smaller heads”. To realise that the excuse you use of “having too much love to share” is no more than an over- zealous “hunger for sharing your cum!”
The Better Monogamy Pledge
So what is the point I am trying to make? What is the message being sent here? What should you take away from this nomenclature of gay life in writing? Let’s revisit those vows:
“...I take you to be my one and only monogamous partner;I love you and only you; and respect you and your choices; I will be honest and truthful with you always, no matter if I did wrong; I will stand by you through whatever may come and I hope you will stand by me with whatever may cross, not only my path, but ours. To be your only loving and faithful partner, to have and to hold, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, to love and cherish from this day forward until age do us part in death!...
Cupid Must Die!
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