April 11th, 2011
Pic by bored-now via Flickr.
A Broken heart is one of the deepest pains that we can ever go through in our lives. We feel loss with bereavement, and we feel anger when we fight with our loved ones, but it is only through heartbreak that we feel that real sense of devastation.
I remember the first time I had a broken heart, I was 20 years old, and he was… everything. When I woke up his face was the first thing I thought about, and the last when I went to sleep. I kept checking my phone to see if there was a text from him, either a joke, or a flirtatious remark, and sometimes even a naughty picture that made me ache for him, body, soul and heart. When it ended it felt like someone died, a sudden and violent death, all there was, was devastation, and profound agony. I cried for 2 days straight, and then drank for another 2, and then I cried a little more to find some escape from the hurt.
You can tell he was my first true love, if only because its ending destroyed me.
The problem with heartbreak is that it isn’t just one day. Depending on the love you feel, it can change the way you love. Sometimes you get over it like a bad cold, two days in bed and then you are back on your feet… I look back and envy those people.
My whole world became a lost battlefield, and all around me were emotional landmines, which threatened to break me down further. Certain places were strictly off limits in my hometown, like the bar where he and his friends would go out, the doctor’s surgery where we met for the first time. Even the stupid Blockbusters where we would debate for ages about what film we were going to get. All of these places reminded me of him, and as soon as he crossed my mind, it was like feeling a vice-like grip around my bleeding heart.
I did what any self-respecting English guy could do, I tried to keep a stiff upper-lip and carry on. I told myself I could get through this every day until it was over. After all, no matter how much we may want to believe the world has to stop, the globe still continues to spin, and the days continue regardless. When my friends asked me how I was holding up, I would fake-smile to reassure them, secretly thankful that they couldn’t see my secret heart, my secret pain. I thought it couldn’t get any worse. But sadly whenever you let yourself think that, it always does.
One month later I see the message on Facebook. He is in a relationship with another person. I should not have looked but I couldn’t stop myself. He was tall, blonde, perfect six-pack abs, and in one or two pictures, a bum to die for. I remember thinking all of these things, right before the reality truly sank in and I ran to the bathroom to throw up. Delayed reaction I suppose.
I think we all secretly wish when we go through a break up, that somehow the other guy will come to his senses and chase after you, like the conclusion to so many romance movies when you think that all hope is lost. I used to dream it too, the tear-felt reunion, the return to normality, wedding bells….
I look back on this time, and I have decided that it was pathetic, but then that’s the benefit of 20:20 hindsight.
One day I woke up, and suddenly I realized I was OK. The broken heart was still lying in pieces on the floor, but somehow I was able to function. I went out to lunch with my favorite shopping buddy who agreed that all talk of other men was strictly forbidden. I bought a new pair of nice jeans, which fit me perfectly, and I went out that night wearing said jeans and got some attention from a couple of guys too.
What I am trying to say is that breaking up and learning to live without the one you love is never easy. However, before you know it, the world changes, and you change with it. One day the pain just fades to more manageable pieces and you move on. The important thing is to remember to tell yourself one thing, say it every day when you get up, and every night when you go to sleep.
Tell yourself this:
‘I will get through this’
Then say it Louder:
‘I WILL GET TROUGH THIS’
And then just so you believe it, shout it as if you were screaming at the one who dared to hurt you.
‘I WILL GET THROUGH THIS, I AM A STRONG AND GOOD PERSON, AND I WILL MAKE IT’
Even in the darkest moonless night, the dawn will come.
This is Jason, feeling a little emotional, saying good night, and hoping that each and every one of you remember these words, and if they help even one person, then I know, I have succeeded.
Pic by Gripitoy via Flickr
Join our mailing list
- February 28th, 2016
- January 29th, 2014
- September 21st, 2013
- September 17th, 2013
- September 14th, 2013
- July 29th, 2013